Overcoming Anger

Learning how to disconnect those "hot buttons"...

Expressing our anger can have a devastating effect on the lives of everyone involved. But anger is neither good nor bad. Anger is merely a front for something that is going on in the background.

When we get angry, it's because something has happened that has pushed a button. That button is either a past hurt or an insecurity we are carrying as a result of something that has occurred previously.

No one 'makes us angry' - we do it all by ourselves.

We are never upset or angry for the reason we think. It is not other people or situations that cause us to be angry or distressed. It is our own attitudes and thoughts.

Expressed Anger can often have a negative effect in a social sense. The actions we take as a result of our feeling angry mean we are very often creating further feeling of hurt - for all parties concerned. Unless we recognise what is going on, this can become a repeated cycle resulting in continued negative behaviour that can lead to the breakdown of relationships and feelings of resentment.

On the other hand, Repressed Anger can have a devastating effect on our physical bodies. When we internalise our anger, we feel under threat and we trigger the fight/flight syndrome often resulting in continued stress that may manifest in physical illness.

Either way - we can have problems!

We cannot always control our feelings and emotions. When anger strikes, step back, and say to yourself - "Why am I angry?". If you are honest with yourself you will recognise it is not because someone has 'done something' to you or something has occurred to make you angry. The honest answer to your question will be something like, "I'm feeling insecure", "I'm feeling overwhelmed", "I'm not coping", "I'm feeling put down", "I'm sick", "My self esteem is low".

You will recognise that your feelings are not coming from "what has happened". They are coming from your perception, your attitude, your belief - your unique experiences. Remember, we don't see 'things' as they are; we see 'things' as we are. Meaning every perception we have is through our filtered view of life. It is not what is happening in our day to day world that is affecting us, it is our perception which is a result of our training, our experiences and our ongoing view of how things happen. Recognise that everyone may be going through the same experience - but each person has their own unique perception because of their training, their experiences and their 'coloured' view of a situation.

Each of us has an attitude to what is happening to us. That attitude is a belief system that has been built up over years of experiences.

Here's the good news! - Your attitude is something over which you have absolute control. Attitude is something you can change - at any time.

Remember, it's not what happens to us in life - it's how we deal with it.

- Helen Everingham

Additional Information

Helen suggests reading "You Were Born Special. Beautiful and Wonderful, What Happened?" - by Bert Weir.

The Centre Within course presented by Helen Everingham is a great start for you to learn how to feel good about yourself, recognise the problems you deal with and learn how you can solve them to enhance your way of life. You can read more about this two day practical workshop here.

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